It is a conversation I have had for many a years and a topic I have written about in many of my websites. Well it seems that I am not the only one to have asked this question. Indeed, in her article:
Ask Amy: He says phone sex is part of being a guy (http://www.mercurynews.com/bay-area-living/ci_26500193/ask-amy-habit-puts-marriage-at-risk) a case is made that the habits or a husband who says he receives erotic massages as well as calling phone sex line is just part and parcel of… “being a man”.
The author goes the extra mile to define what does constitute cheating, what passes for an insult to “not only to you but to guys in general. Most married guys don’t do this, but the ones who do want to normalize it.”
She makes the case that if a person, the husband in this case, escalates his sexual behavior by seeking interactive sexual interaction with others, then he is definitely cheating and the wife should a) have a frank chat with him and b) get tested for STD.
It reminds me of the bully who constantly harasses a class mate until the latter decides to take karate lessons so that he may be able to defend himself. And then when said bully tries it again, this time the tables are turned and it is the original bully who suffers a beating of his own. Now imagine the scene at the the principal’s office… where, the principal, upon hearing the complains of said bully, decides to punish the Karate kid.
Now I am not comparing the wife to the bully, but what I am saying is that most of the time, the actions we take do not come out of a bubble. There is a reason why we do things. If the bully hadn’t beaten the kid in the first place, he would never have received the beating he deserved.
If the wife had given the husband the sexual attention he needs, he might not have decided to stray.
Did he cheat? Yes? Would he have cheated if his wife had given him “what he needed”? Probably not.
I can already hear the feminists out there coming out in force that nothing justifies cheating and trust me, I understand and sympathies with these views and the plight of the wife. However, being in the business I am in, and dealing with a multitude of men who are just like the husband in question, having gotten to know them .. intimately.. there is one thing I know for sure:
These guys are not getting it at home..
And in most case that’s why they call my phone sex line.
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